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Our Operations

Serious injuries may occur. The floor here will kill you - try to avoid it. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.


Up to 365 days/year

We work tirelessly to provide you with the best testing environment possible. Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this environment is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.


Ready in 20 minutes

We strive to have new and exciting test chambers ready for you at a moment’s notice. Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect.


100% organic people

At Aperture Science we use only 100% organic test subjects. In the case of a non-organic test subject we will donate one or all of their vital organs to the Aperture Science self-esteem fund for girls? It's true!


Safety is a Priority

The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, we promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, if you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out.

Our Products

Our Labs

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Sign up now. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.


$399 .99

  • 5 Test Runs
  • Portal Gun Included
  • Cake Party
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$149 .99

  • 3 Test Runs
  • Gun must be found
  • 1 slice of cake
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$79 .99

  • 1 Test Run
  • Orgrans Donated
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